If you’ve seen some of my reviews, it’s no secret that I’ve performed in adult films. I receive many questions regarding my film work — after all, isn’t a video a great tease before a date? However, I choose not to not disclose my alter ego. I’d like to give you a background on the adult film business, and then explain why my decision makes a better date for both of us.

Gifted (or cursed?) with am ample sexual appetite, I’ve been seeking out unique sexual experiences ever since I left my parents’ home and began my adult life. In university, I attended sex parties, as I was never interested in rowdy parties or excessive drinking. I developed a close knit social circle based around these orgies. One of these friendships led me to an offer to perform for a well known porn production company. At this point, I wasn’t sure of my career and didn’t want to ruin any potential opportunities, so I sensibly declined.

I graduated with degrees in computer science and linguistics with a decided career path in software engineering. Around this time, a good friend of mine was starting a new production company and asked if I were interested in performing. I knew the tech industry was open-minded, and porn wouldn’t destroy my career.

So I took the plunge. I performed for my friend’s company and moved to San Francisco, the ideal location: a tech haven with close proximity to the porn companies in LA. I got a job at a tech company. On the side, I performed in adult movies, solely for the adventure and excitement.

I soon discovered that the porn industry was a messy place with some smart women mixed amongst a lot of drugs, immaturity and troubled souls. Most of the women I met were 18 or 19. The porn industry promised fame, excitement, independence, all quite alluring to someone just leaving her parents for the first time. Many women tried to juggle porn with college with mixed success; many skipped college all together. They hadn’t really thought through the decision and how it could affect their future lives and careers. The entertainment industry, including its adult counterpart, is fueled by drugs. The young women would go wild and engage in excessive partying, craving fame and attention. Some young women had entered the business, because they had been in a bad situation, weather abuse or imprisonment, and it was one of the only options available. I had befriended a sweethearted 18 year old lady, who had been forced to have 3 children by an abusive boyfriend. I really admire the industry for giving people a new life and a way out when many other industries won’t.

Due to the lack of experience of many of these ladies, immaturity as pervasive throughout the industry. Women would party and not show up to work the next day. I booked a trip to LA for one shoot just to find out after I got there that the producer/male talent had decided to work with two other women instead of myself, because he found them more attractive.

Competitiveness and passive aggressiveness is another trait of the industry. I think this is due to the fact that there is little money in the porn business. With free porn everywhere, fewer and fewer people are buying it, which means there’s less work and lower wages. In my experience, an average performer would make $4k/month or less. Most ladies supplemented their income with webcam work, stripping, or escorting. However, the adult film industry believes itself to be morally above escorting, so most performers kept their escorting work as a hidden, dirty secret. (There is so much wrong with this attitude, but that’s to be addressed in another post.) Anyhow, when you have many models and very little work, competitiveness is bound to occur. Women would befriend each other to gain connections and often steal or say bad things behind each others’ backs to increase their own business. Makeup artists had to keep their cases locked, because too many women had stolen their makeup.

Here’s personal anecdote to give you a sense of the competition and jealousy:

My agent sent me to Florida to work with another agent. She was a middle aged women who used to perform in porn, but her life had dwindled to a Xanax addiction, mood swings, and lots of screaming. She kept girls cooped up in 2 bunk beds in her tiny living room, which reeked of cigarette smoke. Her poor puppy was unable to go outside and would shit all over her carpet. I quickly left the house and ran off to a nearby hotel to avoid the chaos. A lady I befriended spewed falsities about me to the agent, which left me mistrusting everyone. I left Florida about $2k poorer with both stolen lingerie and a stolen laptop.

On the bright side, social media was able to bring people past their petty jealousies, and the community was able to successfully stand up to abusers, stigma, and harmful legislation. There are some really bright minds in the industry, and I made a few close, wonderful friends.

I still have an agent and enjoy the exhibitionist thrill of performing when the right opportunity comes around.

Alright, if I love performing and am proud of my work then why don’t I share it with you?

When we get to know each other, we develop a connection, both mental and physical. In contrast, porn is 100% acting. If you videotaped yourself having sex, even if it seemed incredibly passionate at the time, it would look boring as hell. (Believe me, I’ve tried it.) You can’t see the penetration, and it just looks like repetitive motion with a moaning and groaning soundtrack. There’s usually a role-play fantasy in a porn scene. The fantasy can either be absurd (two step-sisters spontaneously deciding to fuck their brother) or it can be somewhat realistic. I once performed in a scene where I was auditioning for a music video and was “forced” into sex to get the role. After the scene was released, a distant acquaintance, who I had no idea even watched porn, called me just to ask me if I were ok. He had no idea it was a fantasy. But, whether there’s a simple plot, no plot, or an elaborate plot, you are acting out a role-play that’s usually disguised as reality. There are also bright lights and camera men getting their heads right between your legs and up in your business. The angles and positions are awkward and uncomfortable but required for the cameras to see all of the action. You fuck on hard surfaces like marble countertops and usually end up with a bruise or two. You tease and flirt with the camera, and rarely look at your partner. Emotions are greatly exaggerated. Buttholes are magically clean. Makeup is heavy and done to perfection; you are praying the director doesn’t want a facial, so you can wear your gorgeous makeup all day. It’s hot, it’s rough (sometimes), but it’s a fantasy. It’s emotionless. It isn’t ME.

If you watch one of my scenes, I’m giving you a false impression of who I am. Even if on a conscious level, you understand that it’s acting, it still colors your impression of me. On the other hand, if you are looking for an experience that replicates what you see on screen, that’s fine, but that’s not the experience I provide, and I suggest you look elsewhere. When I spend time with you, I’m not putting on a show; I’m not superficial. Our physical connection is built upon a deeper, mental connection. If we choose to get physical, I cannot tell you what our connection will be like – passionate, playful, aggressive – but it won’t look like a porn movie. It will be 100x better and utterly ecstatic.

xoxo
Sophia