Embrace Cuddling
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You lie in bed together, your bodies interlinked, soft skin to skin contact emitting warmth and serenity. Your synced breaths calm life’s chaos, and you drift serenely into slumber.
Cuddling is healing; yet it’s often misunderstood. Oddly enough, this post was inspired by a behavior pattern I noticed in my clients. There was a general trend of unwillingness to pay for time spent cuddling, despite the fact that it was time spent together in companionship. I found this intriguing, because it was also the only activity where this misunderstanding took place. After a lot of thought, I inferred that this was because cuddling isn’t seen as active. If you’re eating dinner together, seeing a show, walking through a park, it’s a lot more obvious that you’re doing something. Despite that fact that you aren’t physically active, there are a lots of benefits that come from cuddling. So, as a firm advocate of cuddling – I think cuddle slut is a cuter term personally – I urge you to (consensually) cuddle the shit out of someone! I’m going to address all the curative properties of this magical activity; and interrelatedly, the benefits of hiring a professional.
Medically speaking, hugging is healthy. It emits oxytocin, which is responsible for bonding and trust. Oxytocin has some other great side effects. Medical studies show that it can boost your immune system and fight off infection. Not a bad idea after that 15 hour flight or that weekend in Vegas watching people cough on that buffet you’re just about to eat. And there’s more: It reduces anxiety and stress. Having hard times at work? Try hugging someone. Nervous about meeting someone new (like me!) on a first date? Skip the inebriation and head straight to the cuddling. Ok, maybe a bit of wine and cuddling is a better plan. Having trouble sleeping alone? Sleeping with someone may be your cure. Finally, it’s a bit self esteem booster. Medically speaking, snuggling up with someone is an elixir for all (or most) ills! Oh, and psssst, it also releases dopamine which is linked to sexual arousal, which, you know, is never a bad thing.
Back to the whole bonding thing. As social creatures, deep bonds are important for our mental health and survival. The first deep connection we develop is with our mother thanks to biology and lots of oxytocin. If we don’t have proper physical affection from our mothers as babies, all sorts of bad things can go wrong with our development and have long term consequences. Not good. Oxytocin continues to be an important part of our emotional health as adults. However, later in life, we have very few of these deep bonds, and of those, the cuddleable people are limited to a romantic partner and potentially a best friend. These relationships are complex and require enormous amounts of commitment and energy to maintain (although it’s quite worth it.) Casual cuddling – such as at a cuddle party with strangers – or professional cuddling allow you to reap all the benefits without the baggage that comes with maintaining a romantic relationship. The feels of trust, vulnerability, comfort, safety….it creates an almost spiritual connection.
Cuddling with someone you don’t know very well can seem truly magical, because it fosters a depth of connection on a more primal, spiritual level that would take years to develop. It’s a pact of mutual trust and vulnerability. You get to see me without my armor of foundation and eyeliner. When slumbering peacefully in your arms, I’m putting great trust in you to not steal my possessions or, you know, murder me in my sleep. We blissfully wake up together, and the morning rays illuminate our birds nest hair, droopy eyelids, and pungent morning breath. Just delightful. It’s a truly intimate, vulnerable and beautiful experience.
So, while cuddling isn’t a physical sport, there’s still a lot of neurochemical activity going on: a delicious cocktail of oxytocin and dopamine. Affects include: boosted immune system, lowered stress, sexual attraction; and essential trust and bonding. Cuddle your lover if you have one. If you lack opportunities, seek a professional, who can give you all the benefits without the commitment and baggage. With all the technological distractions and stress of everyday life it can be difficult to let our guard down, but it’s also extremely rewarding. Relax and embrace intimacy.