Threesomes

I’m going to switch gears here and discuss a topic that’s a lot less emotional and a lot more fun: threesomes! How do we get over our fear of them? How do we arrange them? What can we do to make sure they’re amazing?

Dynamics

Whether it’s your first time or your hundredth time, it’s important to be conscious of your motivation, because that will guide the booking process, the expectations of your date, and your chemistry. There’s not one kind of threesome. Your dynamics are going to be completely different depending on who you’re with and what your goals are. I’m only going to be talking about threesomes with two females, but there are obviously way more options. Even so: do you want to see two straight women giving you attention? Do you want to see two real life lovers? A close lover of yours and someone new? These will all lead to entirely different dynamics.

Let’s talk about some of these dynamics, how they align with your goals, and how to make sure your dates run smoothly. I feel like this would work better visually as a flow chart, but I’m just way too lazy to come up with some fancy, interactive graph, so it might come out a little messy when organized into paragraphs, but bare with me.

So why do you want to have a threesome? Let’s start with the simplest answer. It sounds hot. You don’t really have anything in particular in mind, but you’re curious to see what the hype is all about. It’s a bucket list item you want to check off. Just like the mile high club, you’re not expecting it to be mind blowing, but you feel it’s something you’ve got to try at least once in your life.

You don’t have crazy high expectations, so you have a few options. Pretty much any dynamic will do. My recommendation is to get a lover to organize something with a friend of her choice. You can choose whomever you want; it doesn’t have to be your top companion of all time. If you have some chemistry and history with her, it will help to ease your anxiety. By letting her choose the partner, she will guarantee that there will be no awkwardness between the two ladies. Let them control the dynamic. They’re experts.

Here’s a different situation you may identify with. You’re really into the idea of watching two women get it on. You really have two options here (you can see how this flowchart would come in handy.) You can ask a trusted lover to bring a friend, as I just described above, or you can browse your favorite ad sites or social media sites for two women you haven’t seen before who are advertising duos together. You might want to state outright: “I’m really interested in watching you two and may take a more passive, voyeuristic role.” It helps if everyone is on the same page! In either case, think about whether you’re more interested in the performance or if you really are interested in genuine chemistry between the women. Watching live “lesbian” porn is great, but surprise: most of those performers are straight. Real chemistry, whatever your sexual orientation, is usually less exciting to watch but more passionate. The problem with this world is that you’ll sometimes never know who is really bisexual, because no one is ever going to turn down a paycheck. If this is something that’s important to you, do your research: pick up on cues from your lover or see if you can find real life partners doing duos together.

What if you’re interested in the entirely opposite situation? You want two women who will both focus entirely on you. Damn, wouldn’t that be hot. This is a pretty easy situation to handle, because the chemistry between the two women is a lot less important. I would recommend choosing two lovers you’ve seen before with whom you have amazing chemistry. If they both do it for you, imagine what it will be like seeing both at the same time. Communication is key: make sure they know to focus on you rather than each other. Check in and make sure that your two lovers don’t hate each other, and you’ll probably be just fine.

What if your lover has a huge crush on someone, but they’ve never had a threesome (and maybe they’ve never met) but are DYING to get their hands on each other? Bring them together! Seriously, she will love you forever (slight exaggeration but still.) I highly recommend some social time for everyone to get to know each other and get excited. Just be prepared to let them do their thing. While they will play with you, you most likely won’t be the center of attention.

Final situation: You have two super close lovers. Like your chemistry with each of them is utterly mind blowing. They don’t know each other, but you think the’d be into each other. This is a slightly more tricky situation, because you can’t force chemistry. Unless they hate each other, they are pretty much guaranteed to accept your proposal (because $ and if they keep seeing you they think you’re a cool client.) But…what if you all got naked and it felt awkward or forced? In this situation, either book a social date separately or let them get together on their own and offer to pay for their food/drinks. If they already know each other, things will flow a lot more smoothy once the clothes come off. Still, sexual chemistry is a weird thing, so no one can predict exactly what will happen. I promise you it wont’ be awful (after all you adore these women.) It may be the best sex anyone has ever had or it may simply be alright. Just be prepared for that, so you’re not let down.

Logistics

Ok, so you know what you’re looking for. How do you make this happen?

If you’re trusting your partner to find someone, leave the planning to them. Give her a good selection of dates and times to choose from, and she’ll eventually get back to you with times that work for both of them. In the mean time, send a letter of introduction to your lover’s friend with some screening information. She’ll feel more comfortable. Once you’ve all decided on dates, you can reach out to both women individually to discuss compensation for time, flights, hotels, etc.

If you’re reaching out to two new women, email them both separately with your screening information and express interest in a duo. Let them decide on a date that works for everyone and start a three way email chain to confirm details, such as hotel, food, drinks, etc. Easy peasy.

Pay them separately and make sure you know the correct donation for each of them, since sometimes the wording on websites for duos may be unclear. It’s ok to ask politely.

If the two women have never seen each other before, I would highly recommend a fair amount of social time, so everyone gets comfortable with each other. It will ease everyone’s anxiety.

The two women may arrive separately, so if they’re friends, they may get ready together. Make sure you have an agreed upon form of communication, so you can keep in touch if someone is running a bit behind. The two ladies know that their booking and payment depends on the other. While some people have a tendency to be late, this is one instance where the ladies will do everything in their power to show up on time and not disappoint anyone. If someone shows up significantly late – like an hour late – she will probably apologize profusely and refuse to be paid for that time. If someone has to cancel due to an illness, what do you with the other lady is up to the two of you. Whether someone is very late or has to cancel they will feel profoundly guilty for potentially ruining the other’s booking, so you don’t need to rub it in. Reassure her that it’s fine (unless she really fucked up,) and you’ll see her some other time.

Anxiety

The biggest concern is probably the date itself and all the anxiety that comes with it. Will everyone get along? Will you give equal attention to everyone, or will someone feel left out? There are so many possibilities! What kind of moves/positions should you do? Well, you don’t need to worry about the ladies getting along if they’re already friends and do doubles together. And you don’t have to worry about anyone getting along with you, even someone you haven’t met yet. Like, it’s literally her job to get along with you, so she’ll be doing everything she can to make you feel comfortable and get you all excited. In the case of two women who don’t know each other, organize a social only date among the three of you or arrange for the two ladies to get together on their own. If you’re not feeling it during the social date or they don’t feel up to duoing with each other, then no harm done. Otherwise, everyone will get along.

The biggest concern I hear is fretting over whether everyone is getting attention or if someone is being left out. Well, if you’re thinking about that, you probably won’t have the best time, because you’ll be too concerned about leaving someone out rather than just focusing on the fun stuff. If you allow yourself not to worry about it, all will go well. If you’re with an established lover and her friend, you might pay more attention to the new person, because it’s exciting and different. Your lover will understand. You won’t hurt her feelings. Organize for the two of you to get together alone for a future date if you are concerned, so she knows you’ll continue to see her. You can also see her for a longer date like an overnight and bring her friend in for just 3-4 hours. That might help reassure you that you are giving her the attention she deserves. If you think you’re giving more attention to your old friend rather than the new girl, she also won’t mind either. You can’t predict chemistry. You gave it a shot, and she got paid. No harm there. I promise you, if they’re friends, they’ll still be friends after.

If they’re both new people you haven’t met, they really wont’ care. I once had a duo with someone new where our client liked my friend better and asked me to leave early. I had a drink at the bar and didn’t feel bad in the slightest.

If both women are great friends, you may be the most anxious out of any of these situations. But remember, you have freaking amazing chemistry with both of them. You WILL be into it, and they know it. See them each separately after our duo date and rekindle your personal one-one one chemistry. Also, honestly, most people won’t be able to tell if you’re more focused on one person. It’s mostly just in your head. And more importantly, just don’t fret. If you think everything will be fine it will be.

Lastly, you’ve never done a threesome before. What “moves” do you do? Like what happens, physically? If you’re looking for a show, sure, go ahead and look at some porn. Come up with crazy positions you want to try. That’s a hot fantasy. (And remember, in reality, as you’re trying to figure out how to get all these positions, there will probably be lots of laughter and mistakes. It all makes for a fun time.) Otherwise, if you just want an organic experience with good chemistry, relax and leave it up to them. They’ve had threesomes before and know exactly what they’re doing. I recently have a foursome with two other providers, another bisexual woman, a bisexual man, and our client. I had never had this dynamic before or been with two bi men at all. Most of the “combinations” and positions would be knew to me, but I was excited rather than fearful (hey, I love sex.) It all flowed fine and was pretty fantastic.

So we’ve got a few basic concepts here. Make sure you know what kind of dynamic you are looking for. If you want something in particular, be communicative about it. Be communicative in general. Other than that, the ladies are experts. Let yourself relax, and you’ll have a great time.